"Aha! That’s it!" Oswald poked Sassy’s chest. "You cannot read! That’s why I’m here! It must be, how can anyone be happy in life not knowing how to read!"
"Mon ami you’re barking up ze wrong tree, I’m not interested I do just fine wizout knowing ‘ow to read"
"But… Wot if I move away and I send you endearing letters or something! …..Maybe one I send asks if you want a naughty picture? But you can’t read so you never send a letter back and I never dress in obscure and kinky clothing for your amusement!"